The One-Liner

     Want attention? Want to make people laugh? Want to get the girl? Then grab a one-liner!! That’s what the cool kids do, works every time! Or at least on tv. There’s a great trend on tv now-a-days, the one-liner. Usually the bad guys are the best at using it, and no matter who they are or what they do, if they have great one-liners, they’re suddenly the Dalai Lama, all loved and wanted and great for the audience’s peace of mind.

     LOST had polar bears, and time-travel, and guns, and submarines, and pretty faces, but the ones who scored the most attention and followers were Sawyer, Ben, and John Locke. Why? Their one-liners! Sawyer was the best with his nicknames for everyone: “Doctor playing golf! Wooo! Boy Howdy! I’ve heard everything. What’s next? A cop eating a doughnut?” to Kate or “Little Red Riding Hood gonna follow Big Bad Wolf back to his stash o’ guns?” to Ana Lucia or “Yo yourself, Pillsbury!” to Hurley or “Great plan, Moonbeam. After that we can sing 'Kumbaya' and do trust falls.” No matter whom he was shooting, or sleeping with, or double-crossing, you loved him.

     The Walking Dead has zombies, guns, dirt, and more zombies, but the most exciting part is listening to whatever comes out of Daryl Dixon’s mouth next. Some of his best include: “Well, those guys' tail lights zigzagging all over the road - figured he had to be Asian, driving like that.” or “Yeah, and people in hell want Slurpees.” or “Shoot me again? You best pray I’m dead.”

     The Vampire Diaries has almost every supernatural creature your little heart could ever desire, but the best one is Damon. He’s always biting someone, or killing someone, or sleeping with someone, or rescuing someone, or stealing someone’s girl. And through it all, you love him anyway because he is so darn funny. His best one-liners include: “Do I look like I know anything about tattoos? Look at my skin. It's flawless.” & “Life sucks. Get a helmet.” & “Everything changes tomorrow. It'll be all unicorns and rainbows.” & “Dear Diary, a chipmunk asked me my name today. I told him it was Joe. That lie, will haunt me, forever.” & “You know Stefan. Journaling. Reading. Shaping his hair.”

     

     So whether you are a con-artist, or a redneck zombie killer, or a dark vampire, if you have one-liners galore, you will be the fan favorite, the Tina Fey & Amy Poehler to well, everyone. They’ll love you and talk about you and ask you back to host everything.